Endure to the End

My dad (who has a PhD in physics) has told me several times over the last few years that graduate school is not an intelligence test, but rather an endurance test.

He was right. Oh man, was he right.

The last six weeks (six months really, but the last six weeks in particular) have had zero to do with how smart I am. Rather it's had everything to do with how well I can function on very little to no sleep; how well I can keep my sanity without having face-to-face human interactions for days at a time; how well I can keep pushing and keep going, even though all I want to do is sleep; how well I can keep focus and not spend too much time on Facebook or Gtalk or reading blogs, which is way more fun than writing a dissertation; how hard I can pray; how long I can stand being in my office before wanting to scream*.

I couldn't have done it alone. There is absolutely no way I could have done it alone. I've had some amazing friends step up to help me out in the process. Michelle and Tamara took me to lunch one day, and surprised me with a bag of food to keep me going. (Between the pita chips, the Sweet and Salty peanut granola bars, and box of Cinnamon Life cereal, I didn't know which thing inside was my favorite.) The next week Michelle and Desiree came to my office to bring me dinner. The next night Ed and Whitney brought me dinner. All the way from D.C., Sarah had a bag of fresh produce and flower delivered to my office. (So timely, since I eat fruit like its my job and I hadn't had time to go to the store for like a week.) Even my friend Nathan called me from London a few times to make sure I was still keeping my sanity. I have the most amazing friends ever. EVER.

Sometime Sunday morning/afternoon (which was still technically Saturday night....) I finished, by making my final plot. This is the reduction of the last six years of my life into one graph. I was slightly disconcerted at this though, but more happy to have it finished. (I was as tired as I look in that picture.)

Monday I decided I should proofread my entire thesis before sending it to my committee. That took a lot longer than I expected (turns out proofing the 238 pages of the most important document I've written to date is not a quick process). But time flew by, like I was in this strange time warp. I'd think things like, "Why is my stomach growling? Oh...I haven't eaten in 8 hours." Or "Why am I so tired? Oh...it's 3:00am. When did THAT happen?!"

But I FINISHED it. I sent my thesis to my committee Tuesday afternoon. That moment was actually harder than I expected. I felt like I was sending my child off to school when I knew the mean kids were going to steal his lunch money at recess. We will meet again next Tuesday.

But I celebrated by eating Blue Bell cookies and cream ice cream with a few mint oreos that I saved from department cookie time earlier that week. (Don't I look HAPPY?!)

Yesterday I finished up the bibliography. In the end, it was 11 pages. This brings my entire dissertation (including Table of Contents, etc.) to an even 265 pages. Woot woot!

My office is a disaster. Here's what the desk of a finishing PhD candidate looks like. And the same picture labeled** for your convenience. (Though I couldn't label everything, else you'd be not likely to be able to read anything.) It's kind of like a social experiment.




The dissertation process isn't over yet. I still have a few more days until I defend, and then I have to make revisions. (Which I hope will mostly be minor and take no more than a week to get incorporate.)

I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm pretty sure it's not a train. I guess we'll find out next week for sure.



* I learned it was 38 hours; and all it took was a 2 hour break with a good friend to Kerby Lane for me to push it to 45 hours.
** Don't worry, I did this when I was taking a much needed break, and wasn't just wasting time. :) No....not at all....